Music Mayhem

Hey Everyone.

(Trust me, I'm pretty sure I can hear your cries of shock from here)

This is probably going to be an incredibly long post but it should hopefully let you know what's been happening and why I just suddenly disappeared a long time ago and never came back.

Firstly though, I almost died of surprise when I came here today and noticed that people still come here and post. I had no idea whatsoever that there had still been activity here after my absence. To tell you guys the honest truth, I thought that the forum would have been shut down or closed a long time ago because an administrator hadn't logged in for so long.

Well I was wrong about that (thankfully).

Now firstly, I'd like to apologize for my leaving so unexpectedly. This has a very long overdue apology.

When I created this forum back in October 2007 (wow, almost a year ago) I was very unsure of what it would become. I had no initial idea in mind and I guess I wast just too eager and wanted to get the forum up and running.

It ended up being a bit of a mixed bag of general discussion with a bit of music as well in the end.
To be quite honest, I didn't even think I'd get 5 members to join up.

Since starting up this forum I've been working alot with many different websites and setting up forums for people on many different types of forum software. And I have learned a great deal from doing so in the process.
Music Mayhem was my very first public forum.

I like to refer to it as my first success story in forum management. I owe a great deal of that to my many faithful users.
A forum is only as good as the people using it and I think I ended up with a pretty good bunch on here in the end.

Ok, so I guess I'm rambling a little and reminiscing about stuff and trying to avoid the original purpose of this post.
It's not easy for me to explain the last 12 - 18 months of my life, though I'm going to give it my best shot.
Please bear with me.

It all began when I left school oficially in 2007 to pursue a full time career being an apprentice mechanical engineer.

The work was good, the guys I worked with were some of the finest people I think I will ever meet, though as good as this all seemed to be going, I was oblivious to the very large brick wall I was about to walk right into.

I left school at age 16 which to some is rather young and to others not so much. I literally went from going to school 4 days a week 9 till 3:30 to working 5 days a week in a factory 6 till 4:30 in less than 6 days.

I wasn't prepared at all for the road I was taking and 2 months into it I began to get sick, become abnormally tired and lose all my energy before lunch time (this was almost definately a result of me having Glandular Fever at the time).

I'm also a rather shy and cautious person and alot of the time when I need to speak up about something I decide not to. This was a very bad move on my part.
I'm a very fast learner and by the end of the first month I was already at least at the level a 6 month apprentice would usually be at.

The company liked this and decided to give me more work. Because I didn't tell them I was starting to burn out (trying to be the 'tough guy' and look good) they kept piling the work on me more and more until eventually I broke down.

From July till October I wasted my life away in my bedroom every day not eating properly, not sleeping enough, rarely making contact with the outside world at all. It ended up getting extremely bad in the end, to the point where I sunk into a very deep state of depression. My life began slowly falling apart since then rarely having it's good days.

In this time my parents seperated after being married for 18 years. It was a complete shock to everyone (as things like that usually are) and it didn't help my situation much at all.

Eventually I created this forum as a place to 'get away' from things on the outside world, to have a place I could go to that I could enjoy and not have to worry about things that were happening.

In December last year I made the very big decision to return to school after over 9 months from leaving.
I don't think I've made a harder decision than that before, well, maybe. It was not easy to say the least.
It meant I had to face the hundreds of people I once told that I was going to leave and never come back, that I didn't need school and that I could make it in anything I wanted to. It meant admitting defeat.

There were countless people who asked me if I was making the right choice and gave advice when I decided to leave school but I didn't listen to them. Who were they to tell me what to do. Admitting to myself that I was wrong was extremely difficult, but I needed to realize it myself. I'm glad I did.

So I returned to school at the start of this year hoping to start fresh, though it wasn't that easy at all.
So much had changed in the 9 months I was gone, I felt unwanted being back there.
Not to mention I had the depression as well, I was sick again and I was back at the one place in the world that I had never liked one bit.

School was hard, being my last year there made it even harder and i wasn't coping.
I hit the 'wall' again within the first few months of being back and i started to not show up. First it was once a week, then a few times a week, soon I was home more than I was at school and then I stopped going all together.

I decided to seek the help of councelling to try to help me get through this, though it's barely helping me, if at all.

I returned to school for a few weeks eventually but then I stopped going again. And now here I am, sitting here, typing this at 10:00 in the morning after having not slept since a 2 hour nap at 2:00 yesterday afternoon and about as much sleep as that the day before and the day before that. Life hasn't changed much in the past 12 months and I'm not sure when it wll change.

Now back on to the subject of Music Mayhem.

When I decided to leave I was in a state of mind that I don't like being in and while looking back on it all I could think about when I read the words 'Music Mayhem' was that time in my life when i was feeling the lowest.

So I just couldn't come here any more. I didn't mean to desert everyone like that. A forum has an administrator for a reason and there's quite a bit involved when administering a forum and keeping it running.
I'm sorry if it stopped working or there were/are problems here and there that I couldn't/haven't been able to fix.

I honestly don't know if I'll ever come back or not, or if I'll hand the forum over to someone else to be the admin for the rest of the forum's life. It's a hard decision for me to make.
Then again, I might not bother doing anything and it could go on the way it is, un-controlled and un-tamed.

I'll log in once or twice in the next few days or so to check on this post, and hopefully by then I will have made my mind up.

Until I do, stay safe and keep posting.

I shall end with the following quote that I think pretty much sums up my post:

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life" - Albert Camus

-scarr3d (Admin of Music Mayhem)

hey scarr3d, glad to see you back. everyones kinda wondered where you went to and now you told us. i don't know if this really means anything but this site you have here is amazing. i want you to stay on but if you feel like you wanna hand it over to someone else, all of us know who is should be(aqua something maybe).

i hope you get everything how you want it and regardless of your decision, Music Mayhem will always be YOUR site, that you created for everyone who was having problems on UG...and i mean hell you made me a mod on here, that takes some major confidence to trust something like that to me

so get good and stay there, you'll always be on MM's thoughts as the kick ass admin that got us here

hey mate. didn't see this post till today,

i don't really have much to say (just in like real life some (or all) would say haha), but good luck for the future. i hope all goes well for you.

i really like the quote you put there in the end, and i think thats something i need to remember as well.

i'm glad you came back to share what you've been going through, it's kinda opened me up to the fact that everyone has problems (not just me), and that i should try to talk more about them.

thanks a lot,

nick

(this place has been here nearly a year? wow time has flown by fast)

Thanks for your replies, I'm glad you bothered to read it.

I've been doing a bit of thinking about what I'm going to do and I've narrowed it down to a few different options...

1. We could pretend I never came back and you guys could just keep going about your business as you were, though me coming back wouldn't stop you from doing that anyway.

2. I could come back here pretty much permanently, but we upgrade the forums a bit. More information about this further down.

3. I could create a new forum and we could start fresh, and you guys could come to that one. But we'd still keep this one here (for sentimental value).

4. Maybe something else... I haven't fully decided on my fourth option yet.

Now here are the possible outcomes of those so you get a rough idea of what I mean:

1. I don't log back in, you guys just forget about me and keep on using the forums the way you have been for the past few months.

2. I come back and use the forums regularly again but we upgrade the forum features and content to bigger and better things.

A few setbacks with this option though...

I can't single-handedly afford to pay for hosting so I would have to rely on a group effort to get this happening, only if you want to or can that is.

Also, I would devote time and effort in promoting and advertising the forums so that we get a much larger user base and a lot more forum activity.

3. I have a few other forum projects happening at the moment that could do with more users and activity, but I could always start up a new forum with more features and stuff as well, maybe with a specific topic in mind as well. I'm not sure, it would depend on what you guys think. But I would also leave this forum here for people to use. I have no intention of deleting it at all so unless there's a worldwide forum server crash in the near future, this place isn't going anywhere.

4. N/A - If I end up putting my fourth option here I'll let you know.

I'm going to try to add a poll to this topic if I can, but in the meantime, have a think about it, let the other users know about this topic and get them to have a think about it too and vote on a decision. Without your input, you won't have a say in the matter. I will keep the poll open for about 2 weeks so you have a bit of time to think.

If you want to discuss it or if you have any questions, post them here. I apologize in advance if I don't reply straight away.

Cheers guys, and don't forget to tell people to read this.

-scarr3d (Admin of Music Mayhem)

well just my general thoughts at this stage. it would be nice if this place sorta kept the same spirit as it has, and you came back and joined us.

not sure about upgrades and such. im maybe leaning towards option 3 , just cause i don't really want much change to happen to whats here. but we basically only live in general discussion anyways.
maybe whats here could become a sort of secret place in a newer setup, or something along those lines.

well i'll get back to you when its not so early in the morning haha.

cheers

Thanks for your thoughts pringa.

I agree, I don't really want to change anything because of the history behind this forum.
Though there are a lot of improvements that could be made to the forums, which if I did come back, would make things a much easier on my end with managing things... I'm still rather undecided on whether I'm coming back or not at this stage, though I'm more leaning towards no...

Option 3 was the one that I thought was best. It keeps everyone happy and nothing has to be changed or deleted.
I'm incredibly surprised though at how some of you guys still use the forums. If I was a member on a forum with such little activity I'd leave :p I'm glad you guys didn't though... (Must be my secret ingredient )

I'd like to hear maybe one or two more people's views on this matter before any rock solid decisions are made on my part or before it gets discussed any further.

Cheers guys.

yeah i think the third option would be the best...god this is harder to do than i seemed originally...but maybe lock everything how it is at the moment it was left and start new somewhere else, get more people to join/post, and get it going from there.


and besides scarr3d, music mayhem has kinda became my e-home so i don't think i could ever leave permanently.

but the final decision is going to be up to you, so pick whatever you think would be best, even if that means you never come back, we can't control what you want to do.

Thanks for your reply.

After giving it even more thought, I have an idea.

On the 19th of October, Music Mayhem will be exactly one year old. I'm fairly happy with this, especially because a large majority of forums don't last that long.
I've decided to make a new forum as a sort of tribute to Music Mayhem and I'd like for all of you to join (if you want to that is).

It'll be a much bigger forum with better features and interactivity while still trying to keep the same atmosphere and feel as Music Mayhem.

It's up to you if you'd like to join or not, you can still come and post here and I'm not going to get rid of it (I'd like to think that if you did join the new forum you'd still come back here).

I'll let you in on a little bit of information about what the new forum will be like, without trying to give away too much...

* There will be more than just posting on the forums...
* More customisation for the users, including a basic profile.
* Every action you perform on the forums will give you a certain number of points... Curious about what the points are for?
* And quite a few other cool things that I can't reveal yet.

Also, if you're a member of Music Mayhem, you will get certain privledges that other users won't...

I'm about to start setting it up, but that does give me less than a month to do so because I want to launch it on the 19th. It takes quite a while to set up a forum, and if possible, would any of you be able to help me out with a few things? Just small tasks that would make it a bit easier on me. If so, just let me know below and I'll contact you when I can with the details.

So does this sound good to you guys? Let me hear your opinions because I'm curious about what you think of this.

Cheers.

sounds good. i might be able to help out with things. just let me know.

Indeed it does sound good.

it depends on what it is but i can try to help

Just a quick update.

Still working on the new forum, though I've decided to take the next day or two off from setting it up as it's a rather slow and somewhat tedious process.

My best guess is that there will be a 50-50 chance of either the new forum being ready on time, or it not being ready for the 19th.

Progress is about 15% - 20% of where I'd like it to be on the opening day (100% being fully ready), which is either a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you look at it. But I should have the best part of the next week to do as much as I can on it so I'm hoping all goes well.

I'll definitely post another update on Monday and another probably between then and my last update which will be the 17th or 18th so keep those dates in mind. I'm hoping you'll all be there for the grand opening

Cheers.