Firstly;
HOW TO POST YOUR PROBLEM
Quite simple, but just to make sure it's written down, simply start a topic, that way whoever wishes to help can do so in a much easier manner and compared to the single-thread system on UG it will be MUCH easier to follow an individuals story and offer better advice as a result.
Secondly;
Here are some Commonly Asked Questions, and their most likely responses. Since most situations however have confounding variables I expect these will still pop up quite often but this might stem the flow a bit
1) ‘My girlfriends late on her period, what do I do!!?!?!?!?!?!?oneoneone!!!111!!!?’
Well, a question more suited to the Only Sex Thread, but it gets asked here quite often, in general don’t panic. A few days is quite common, and panicking about it will only make it worse (it’s a vicious circle huh?), just give it another few days, then get her tested if you’re still worried (well, by that point you’d have every right to be worried)
2) ‘I really like this girl, what do I do!?’
If you know her already and have some contact, ask her out. Don’t bother with mind games, in general they make things confusing, prolong them and make your chances less. If she says no, move on, find another girl, since you haven’t invested weeks of your life it won’t be too hard and since you only asked her out you won’t lose any pride or dignity (giving a long winded speech about love and summer days leaves you with a MASSIVE fall to the bottom again)
Which nicely leads to a common point made in this thread;
DO NOT TELL A GIRL HOW YOU FEEL.
Well, not if you aren’t already in a relationship.
It scares them, it forces a much larger commitment on them.
They feel if they don’t feel the same they shouldn’t lead you on, asking them out allows them, even if they only have a tiny interest in you, to say yes without feeling guilty since it is a low commitment sorta thing.
It usually goes wrong, words get cocked up, plans are divinely ruined by the Big Man upstairs who’s been bitter ever since he told a potential Mrs God how he felt and she turned him down.
It comes across as too soppy and weak, most girls (evolutionarily speaking) prefer a strong man, someone who can at least defend themselves (this isn’t sexist, it’s been ‘proven’ through studies to be generically true, the reason sexism seems so common is that parts are based on fact, it’s the same with many controversial topics)
So yeah, avoid at all costs!
If you don’t already speak to the girl or have contact and she’s just someone who caught your eye from across the room, use the situation to your advantage, if it’s a recurring event start small-talk about it with her next time you’re there (i.e if it’s a lesson in school, mention how hard the homework was, or ask her for help if she’s outwardly good at it, borrow a pen, anything!) and build it up from there until you are in the situation above where you can ask her out.
For the FAQ, i think a good way to ask someone out is act like you were already going somewhere in the first place. Like instead of
"Hey would you like to go to ________ with me?"
you could do
"I was going to the ________, you should join me."
It works better for me than the regular "can i take you out?" and ive noticed it takes the pressure off. So its easier to get to know the girl better and if shes the type of girl you like, then you can start dating her.
Good addition to that question
3) ‘What’s the ideal time to wait before asking someone out?’
Personally, and I know SED agrees, a few weeks tops. Any longer and you risk slipping into the fabled ‘Friend Zone’ which does kind of exist (not as bad as it’s made out, but it’s by no means good news), the longer you wait the more chance you’ll cut off any chance of romantic developement. And if she did have an interest at first, if you leave it too long she’ll assume you don’t and dismiss her own feelings, which means by the time you’re up to speed and ready to ask, she’s already found the bad points in you and she’s convinced herself you’re not worth the time...obviously not what you want!
4) ‘She/He’s being weird with me on MSN/The Phone/In General. What do I do?’
Ask them about it. Chances are they’re trying to provoke you to so they can relieve whatever is pressuring them without having to man-up themselves, so confront them. If they say nothing is up, drop the matter.
Another point I want to make, if you fear doing something will cause you to break up, such as confronting him (‘I really wanna know what’s up but I don’t want to lose him’ etc) chances are it’s going to end no matter what. Prolonging it by dilly-dallying about won’t really help much so I’m a big believer in ‘if somethings wrong, sort it immediately’ since leaving it another week will only amplify the problem, you can’t fix things by ignoring them so why try ey?
Communication is the key, if something is wrong it’s pointless playing mind games and trying to psychically figure it out, talk to them, ask what’s wrong, tell them if somethings wrong for you, 9 times out of 10 if handled well it will only lead to improvement for both parties, be consistent and assertive, make a fair point and create a fair compromise and you’ll be much better off. By avoiding communication you create dis-trust, you never make things better and things will slowly get worse until they crumble, communication and trust are vital even in the very first stages of a relationship!
I know heartache is terrible and people want to avoid it at all costs, but if it’s going to happen, open up to the reality and push on, honestly it won’t be too bad and you can only climb back up at the end of it
5) ‘How do I get over them?’
Well there are many schools of thought, I (and Virgil_Hart) like the old ‘Get out there!’ attitude, go out with some friends,get drunk (if of the legal age :p: ) and just have a good time, let yourself realise you didn’t rely on the other person and don’t need them to live. Stop focusing on why it went wrong, that won’t help at all, you’ll only consider your own downfalls and make yourself feel worse, instead consider it honestly, most things don’t last forever and sometimes the reason is time itself, even if it’s only been 6 hours, in that time people can realise things, things can change, don’t get yourself down and blame yourself, put it down to a natural occurence and just enjoy the rest of the things in your life.
There is of course the malicious way of getting over people, rumours and brawls, personally I think anyone taking this course is pathetic, although it satisfies the primal urges it in no way improves the situation, steer clear of this approach if you have any minute amount of self-control!
Blocking them from your life doesn’t always help either, absence can make the heart grow fonder even when you’d rather it didn’t, personally I stay friends with ex’s because there was obviously reasoning as to why I wanted them in my life, and removing romance from the mix doesn’t remove the other things I enjoy about them, if you’re like this it’ll seem harder, but try to pay more attention to the other things, play guitar some more, join a Gym, break-ups are a brilliant excuse to better yourself, you have spare-time growing from the cracks in your skin, you’ve got incentive (to be better for the next person), you’ve got emotional drive, your anger/misery or even relief can push you twiceas far as normal, it’s not bad to come out of a break-up being pro-active and feeling great, just because TV shows people mourning and crying constantly, doesn’t mean it’s wrong to do otherwise!
6) 'This whole friend-zone malarky, explain?'
Also, I want to say that the hole "friend-zone" thing is not always 100 percent true. My girlfriend, who I've been with for a year and a half, started out as very good friends. We were very good friends for several months before we started dating, she even at one point said that she loved having a "totally platonic male friend" who she could just be herself around. But as time went by and we continued hanging out and stuff, eventually one thing led to another and we're dating. I can't say how it happened, because it just did. There's really no COSMIC SECRET TO DATING or anything. Just be yourself and maybe be a little more forward if need be. Just don't stress too bad about it, most of you are young and in highschool/junior high and will have plenty of opportunities for romance.
I agree with Tophue here, as mentioned above it's nowhere near as bad as it's claimed however I'd say 8/10 times it IS lethal to any chance of a relationship, be VERY wary with these situations
7)'I think a girl likes me, but she already have a boyfriend, what should I do??'
Well, this is a question that rises alot, but the solution is really simple.
Don't make a move on her, or even think you got a chance, because she dosent want to be with you.
The logic behind this advice is: as much as a girl looks like she's interested, as long as she is still with her boyfriend, it means she dosent want to be with you.
Why?
Because if she were so interested in you, she would have already finish things up with her current partner, and as long as she havent done that, theirs no chance of anything romantic happening.
Also another strong point aganist going after an already spoken for girl, is that this is a violation of the manlaw.
And you never break the manlaw!
Gal.
Again I'm in agreeance with this good advice, breaking manlaw makes you a Man-Bitch remember, avoid at all costs!
-:lol: Tush
